CRUCIFIXION 

By 

STANLEY KIMMEL 

Author of 
*'the strange voyage/' etc. 




NEW YORK 

GOTHIC PUBLISHING COMPANY 

176 SECOND AVENUE 

1922 






Copyright 1919 

OVERLAND MONTHLY 

Copyriflrht 1922 

STANLEY KIMMEL 



0)CU659077 



/ have been with more dead than living. 



CRUCIFIXION 

■nr" 0-Day it is very calm. We are silenly 
plowing along. Our steamer is a 
good one, considering everything, with a 
captain who never leaves the bridge for a 
minute. All is ready for an emergency 
in case there should be one. The cab- 
ins are suffocating and most of us sleep 
on the upper deck. 

The people in the steerage have a 
merry time every day, singing and danc- 
ing. Here, in the midst of a great 
danger, they are happy and free from 
worry while those who are about me 
seem unable to hide their thoughts and 
anxieties. 

At night the passengers walk a great 
deal on the decks if they cannot rest 
and their nervousness keeps everyone 
awake. It is weird. The darkness takes 



CRUCIFIXION 

everything from sigkt until an object 
looms up like a monster when one comes 
too near. We are always falling over 
each other or tripping on the chairs 
about the decks. In such an atmosphere 
as this one forgets that one is alive. The 
steamer glides through the night with an 
uncanny swishing sound. It is packed 
with human flesh and defies everything. 

Three steamers have passed on their 
way to America. 

America .... 

We ran into a storm yesterday. The 
sea is still very rough and foggy. The fogs 
are a great help and lessen the danger. 

No one is sick. There is too much 
excitement for any one to think of that. 

Last night, after we had gone to rest 
in the deck chairs, people came running 
over to the starboard side. A great black 
blot passed us. Part of a convoy of 



10 



CRUCIFIXION 

English battleships, we were told. A hid- 
eous thing, like an apparition. A 
monstrosity for the destruction or sub- 
jugation of you, no matter who you may 
be, if you should dare defy it. The flag 
which it flies does not matter. It is the 
thing itself that matters. 

From the drawing room window I can 
see the gunners pacing round the gun 
turrets. Yes, they are doing that for 
my protection, but why? It is because 
there are other gunners and gun turrets. 
Have these men a personal grudge a- 
gainst one another? Ask Jean why he is 
fighting. Will he answer you? Perhaps. 

Our steamer has taken a different 
route from the one we were following 
a few days ago. The life-boats are just 
above the water, ready for immediate 
use. We are not allowed to have a light 
of any kind on the decks at night. Every- 
thing is dark. 



11 



CRUCIFIXION 

Bay of Biscay. 

Various remains of a steamer pass us. 
The sea is full of boards and other float- 
ing debris. No human beings have 
been seen and there is not much chance 
of their having survived. 

We are compelled to keep our life- 
belts on until we reach the mouth of the 
River Gironde. 

An alarm has just been sounded. 
Everyone ran out on the deck. I can 
see nothing from the windows. If I 
could what good would it do? The ship 
will be sunk just the same, and there 
will be plenty of time to get off when the 
alarm to abandon the vessel is given. 
The ship is taking a zig-zag course. A 
gentleman who was sitting next to me 
has returned, seemingly unconcerned. 
He has continued reading his paper as 
though nothing was going on. We are 
alone. 



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CRUCIFIXION 

Evidently it is over. They will come 
back into the room now and bring their 
scared faces with them. What could 
really happen to any of us? It is amusing, 
in spite of all. If the steamer should go 
down it would mean very little. I am 
sure it would be a blessing to many who 
perhaps fear it. The water would run 
into our eyes and ears, it would rush into 
our nostrils, but only for a moment. A 
vain effort, a cry, and then . . . nothing! 
I find myself wishing the thing would 
happen. I am sick of the sights on the 
Water, and this is trivial to what will 
come later. I suppose, though, that if 
the steamer did go down I would fight 
for life like the others. If I were 
saved — ^and there is not a doubt about 
it— the whole thing would still be in 
front of me. 

The deck steward has just told me we 
must wait at the mouth of the river for 



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full tide. We shall not reach Bordeaux 
until six p.m. tomorrow. It will be too 
late for the day train to Paris. This 
will necessitate remaining over night 
and continuing our journey next morn- 
ing. We are becoming accustomed to 
being in our clothes two or three days at 
a time, and do not mind it so much. 

It is little wonder these people are so 
frightened. The sea is very calm and 
clear. One can see miles away to the 
horizon. I imagine it would be a pretty 
picture through a periscope. 

We are anchored off the coast of 
France until noon. This is a bright sunny 
morning, and the coast is lined with 
villages, which can be seen very plainly. 
The quaint red-tiled roofs bob up here 
and there among the green hills. It is 
all peaceful and quiet. We can rest 
now, for we are safe. 



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CRUCIFIXION 

There are many small fishing-boats 
near us. Most of them are red or green, 
a few yellow, and half-a-dozen blue. 
What a sight it is! They fill the bay with 
color. 

In the distance can be seen the top- 
mast of a steamer which was sunk at 
the beginning of the war. They have 
never raised it and I understand do not 
intend to do so. It is a monument and 
serves its purpose. 

There are also captive balloons all 
along the coast, and an aeroplane passes 
now and then, coming in or going out 
on patrol duty. 

Near Bordeaux we saw some of the 
prison camps. The prisoners seem to 
be treated very well. They all stopped 
working when we passed and made use 
of all the English they knew in calling 
to U8. About the only expression one 



15 



CRUCIFIXION 

could understand was, ^^Hello, how are 
you?'' 

Paris. 

Our quarters are in an old chateau 
which was once the home of an Amer- 
ican. 

Coming from Bordeaux we were told 
that all the cafes in Paris close at nine- 
thirty, and that it would he impossible 
to get anything to eat after we arrived 
there. But we were able to get into the 
kitchen of an English restaurant, and the 
owner gave us a light lunch, for which 
he charged excessively. 

It does not take long to understand 
the Frenchman's idea, either. We soon 
found he was charging us exorbitant 
prices. 

The streets are very dark, but they are 
filled with women and girls. The Allies 
are also well represented along the bou- 



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CRUCIFIXION 

levards. So far as morals are concerned 
I haven't as yet discovered any. It 
seems to be a wide-open shop where you 
buy what you please. 

We have been on duty for three 
nights. The wounded are arriving by 
the train-loads. They are brought in 
after dark, so that the public will not see 
or hear them while they are being un- 
loaded and rushed to the hospitals. It 
is a dreadful sight. The men moan and 
groan continually. Sometimes they cry 
out and occasionally one goes insane. 
What is all this suffering for? How can 
one enjoy the fruits of so much misery? 
It is better to be a part of it and die. 

Look at the man lying so still on the 
cot. His blood-soaked leg is more like 
a shriveled rag. The flesh is there, a 
chunk of raw meat. He is so weak he 
cannot move. I am told it is not his 



17 



CRUCIFIXION 

leg which gives him so much pain, but 
the left shoulder, which has been partly 
shot away. The blanket is over the 
wound, and hence I did not see it. 

How is it possible to be in such a con- 
dition and live? What would the men 
who have been able to profit by this war 
think if they were bending over this 
man, or rather let me ask what would 
he think? 

Each generation sees this same pitiful 
condition, and yet we continue. Must 
it go on for ever? 

No one is permitted to remain here 
unless connected in some way with 
the war. There is no sightseeing. Every- 
thing is closed. The condition of the 
poor is tragic. There are many ref- 
ugees without food or shelter. Their 
homes are still in "No-Man's Land," and 
many have lost all they ever possessed. 



18 



CRUCIFIXION 

Those who were lucky enough to be in 
the rear managed to take some things 
with them in the first retreat of the battle 
of the Marne, but it was not much, 
and as a whole they are helpless. 

The surroundings seem to be well 
fortified, and I think the French people 
do not fear that the Germans will get 
into Paris. There is an aeroplane pa- 
trol constantly. We have not had a raid 
for about four weeks, and as it has been 
very clear the last few nights one is ex- 
pected at any time. 

A card is necessary in order to pur- 
chase specified foods and fuel. The 
prices are very high. Poor people cannot 
get what they really need. How do they 
expect to exist through the coming win- 
ter months? If something is not done 
for them I am afraid there will be se- 
rious riots. 

It is the poor people who bear the 



19 



CRUCIFIXION 

world's burden, whether in peace or war. 
"/n pricipatu commutando soepius 
Nil Prceter domini nomen mutant 
pauper es.^' 

We have been very busy again and 
had little sleep this week. The Ger- 
mans have attempted an air raid every 
evening during the last five days, and I 
suppose it will be the same thing to- 
night. They do only a small amount 
of destruction so far as I am able to 
find out, and as yet no one has been 
killed. It is believed they are trying 
it out and that a grand fleet of machines 
may appear any evening. They usually 
come just at dark. An auto rushes 
about the Paris streets blowing a siren. 
Everyone finds cover as soon as pos- 
sible and remains in the cave until 
the ''all clear" signal is blown. On the 
walls of the house are posted large fig- 



20 



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ures stating how many people the cave 
will hold. During the raid the lights 
are extinguished all over the city and it 
remains in complete darkness until the 
thing is over. 

Evidently a big battle is raging along 
the front somewhere (near Verdun. 
When there is a general rush the trains 
arrive at all hours of the day and night. 
It is close in the cars and the men are 
very uncomfortable. Everything smells 
of medicine. We work at the receiving- 
station, where the wounded are num- 
bered and divided among the hospitals 
before being sent to their destinations. 

Our orders have been received for 
the front, and everyone will be glad to 
get away. The rains have come on a- 
gain and it is very gloomy in Paris. We 
have a sign at headquarters which reads: 

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CRUCIFIXION 

*'Don't waste one iniimte. In that time 
six men are killed at the front." 

Six men a minute ! 

There is only one way to stop war, and 
that is to put an end to the factions 
which favor it. 

The section will be attached to a 
French regiment and will likely be in 
the Verdun sector most or all of the 
time during the j&rst three months. We 
shall then be on repos for ten days. 

Three months! It sounds like an 
eternity. If we live through the first 
three months it will be three more ad in- 
finitum. 

When will it ever end? If it is not over 
soon we shall have to tear up the map. 
I donH know but what it would be a good 
plan anyway. 

The British are looming up here and 
there on the front, and many think they 



22 



CRUCIFIXION 

would like to end it before the United 
States has had much to do with it. I 
donH think the Americans have any fear 
of that, at least not those who are here. 

I have taken a small room in the Latin 
Quarter in order to get away from the 
chateau and drill-grounds when permis- 
sion is given. We are not on duty now 
and are simply standing by, awaiting or- 
ders. This gives us many free hours. 
We only have to report twice a day and 
do some guard duty now and then. 

The sirens are sounding in the streets. 
An air raid is on. 

The lights went out and the concierge 
came in with a candle, begging me to 
go below witli the rest of the occu- 
pants. By the time I reachetl the cave 
it was pretty well filled, not only with 
the people from the house, but also 



23 



CRUCIFIXION 

those who were passing along the streets 
and had to find shelter. It was cer- 
tainly a cosmopolitan crowd. 

The cave in this establishment seemed 
to be very large; about three or four 
rooms. One woman was hysterical. 
She had three small children, who cried 
all the time. There was an old man 
who protested continually against air 
raids. He would shout and throw his 
hands into the air, clenching his fists 
and daring the Germans to come down. 
Some of the younger women smiled at 
the poor old man. 

A group of girls came in, followed by 
two soldiers. They made so much noise 
talking and laughing that everyone re- 
mained silent for a few minutes, watch- 
ing them. The soldiers and one of the 
girls went into another room. In a 
short time one of the men returned. 

The ''all clear" signal was heard and 



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CRUCIFIXION 

the forms filed out of the cave. It was 
necessary for the soldier and the group 
of girls to wait for the couple. 

Bovert has just come in. He was 
underground near here during the raid. 
He tells me one of the bombs dropped 
close by the station where we were on 
duty last week. No one was killed, but 
several were injured; some women who 
were trying to reach one of the caves. 
They were working on the tramway. 

Why do nations stoop to such things? 
What is the ultimate gain of a victory 
won in this manner? 

To-morrow we leave for the front. 
Of course there is not any gloom about 
it. Bovert and I shall go out and have 
a good time. The boulevards will be 
filled with people for it is very clear and 

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CRUCIFIXION 

the stars are out. We shall find Antoi- 
nette and Helene and go for a ride in the 
Bois^ then to the Folies Bergeres. 

At times this whole affair seems most 
humorous,-a kettle full of little boiling 
people. 

The cars are ready. It is less than an 
hour now, but there is nothing to do; 
only sit here and wait for the order. As 
yet no one has been told where the sec- 
tion is going. After leaving Paris we 
shall know the approximate front by the 
direction taken. 

Antoinette arrived just as the cars 
were moving into line. Her father was 
killed early this morning in the muni< 
tions factory. She gave me a small 
package, but I shall not open it until 
to-night. 



26 



CRUCIFIXION 

As we passed through the gates I 
caught a glimpse of Antoinette. Her 
face was buried in a small blue hand- 
kerchief. A young woman went over 
to her and put her arms about the trembl- 
ing shoulders. The scene swirled be- 
fore me. The car lurched forward. On 
each side white stucco walls fronting the 
street flowed endlessly. 

We are having lunch at Meaux. The 
country is wonderful and the village 
quite unique. The old mills and water- 
ways remind one of "Le Pont de Mantes" 
of Corot. 

The roads are excellent and well kept, 
with poplar trees on each side. Birds 
are singing in them and the sun is shin- 
ing. Everything is peaceful and quiet. 

We do not see many young men. The 
women and old men work in the fields 
and the children do what they can to 
help. 

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CRUCIFIXION 

Chalons-sur-Marne. 

It is raining; so we need not be expect- 
ing air-raids any time of the night. 
I have opened Antoinette's package and 
found a scapular with a note enclosed: 
Mon Bienaime: 

Le jour oii nous nous sommes 
rencontres, le soleil brillant jetait 
de Vor sur toutes choses, et Vatmos' 
phere etait saturee de silencieuse 
musique / . . . . Le monde ne me 
parut jamais aussi merveilleux ni si 
pres du del ou mes reves d^enfant 
reposent, Tu etais la fleur de ma 
vie et j'*ai prie que tu puisses tou' 
jours rester aupres de moi. . . Mais 
la nuit vint, Mon pere . . . . O 
Dieu ! , , . , Et maintenant toi aussi 
tu dois partir .... Seulement la 
nuit et la solitude restent. La 
crainte que fai pour ta surete et 
ton bieu'Stre embrume mes yeux 



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CRUCIFIXION 

de larmes .... Quelques jours eiu 
core et les roses qui emplis' 
sent ma chambre de leur parfum 
si doux, vont se faner et leurs pe- 
tales joncheront le tapis .... Les 
rideaux seront tires et seulement 
des ombres inconnues danseront 
sur les riches dessins de denteU 
les, Mais m,on cceur sombrero dans 
ce reve de toi jusqu^au jour quand 
ton baiser le fera revivre a VA» 
mour .... 

Adieu ! Adieu ! 

Somewhere in France. 

The cannonading is terrific. One of 
the lorries caught fire this morning and 
two of the men were badly burned. It 
was only through their courage that the 
entire section was saved. Many barrels 
of gasoline and oil were near the cars. 
The two men pushed the burning car 



29 



CRUCIFIXION 

into the open and prevented what might 
have been a disaster. 

We left Bar-le-Duc about four-thirty 
p.m. after seeing our first air battle* 
The Germans were coming over for a 
raid, when they met a French delegation 
lurking about the sky. It was an interest- 
ing affair for those on the ground. 
One fellow went down in flames. 

There are many evidences of German 
air raids in Bar-le-Duc. The hotel where 
we ate our lunch had the upper rooms 
shattered by bombs the night before. 
One street was impassable, and we saw 
large holes in several housetops. 

Just beyond us is the outline of what 
was once a very famous cathedral town. 
I hope we shall have a chance to get in 
there to-morrow, but no one seems to 
know whether the Germans or French 
are holding it. 

From where we are it looks as though 



30 



CRUCIFIXION 

there was a Fourth of July celebration 
going on. As far as we can see there 
are flashes of fire, and the guns continue 
to roar. Six men a minute! Think of 
that ! Again I am asking myself, what 
for? 

All this waste of time, energy and life ! 
Could not they have been expended in 
helping an already bleeding world? 
Think of the institutions for education 
which could have been built, and the 
needs of the poor exterminated, by these 
vast sums spent in the destruction of 
life and property! Shall we gain any- 
thing by it? Will the people of the world 
be better because of all this suflfering? 
Will it help them in any way, Germany 
included? When the time for settlement 
comes will it be for those who have 
risked their lives, those who have gone 
through days and nights of horror, or a 
settlement of those who remained in 



31 



CRUCIFIXION 

the rear out of danger and who will 
have the power at any future time to 
plunge men again into a misery of which 
they know nothing? Will the greed of 
the victorious nations rise up in arms 
against one another? We shall see. 

Our first mail has just been received. 
What a treat to get letters from America 
away out here in this bloody part of the 
world! 

Loads of supplies and soldiers pass us. 
They are going up to the line, and have 
to enter the trenches under cover of 
darkness. They do not look very happy. 
Before I left the States I was told 
how joyous the men were to be of serv- 
ice and how they went up to the front 
laughing and singing. I was told they 
came back in the same way, no matter 
how many times they had been on the 
front before. I was fooled. They do 



33 



CRUCIFIXION 

not. These men have all the suffering 
and sadness of Christ in their eyes. 
They are tired and worn with the never- 
ending months of fighting. They have 
heen lowered to the existence of wolves. 
iVo, war is not a glorious thing with 
them ! 

We are on the front. The first-line 
trenches are only a few yards away. 
This ahris (dugout) is the first-aid sta- 
tion for the wounded. Our quarters 
are back a mile in the forest. It is rain- 
ing and the mud is sticky and hard to 
get through. B overt and I Were given 
an order to come up here after a priest 
and his aide. There is a heavy bom- 
bardment and we shall have to wait 
until it is over somewhat before they 
will let us go on. 

I can hear the men in the room next 
to us groaning and moaning. A section 



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is working here, and we shall not have to 
go on duty for a day or so, not until we 
are acquainted with the roads and the 
surroundings. 

This dugout is quite large. I have 
noticed four large rooms beside this 
small one belonging to the priest. 
Along the walls of the rooms are bunks. 
The wounded are all placed in the large 
center space, which was perhaps the orig- 
inal cellar of the chateau. Nothing is 
left of the building but the foundation, 
and that has been blown away in parts. 

I went into the other room and found 
it rapidly filling with wounded. There 
were a few Germans ^mong those 
brought in. They had been placed along 
the sides, away from the French. I had 
to be careful in stepping about not to 
trample on them. 

These men are lying side by side after 



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CRUCIFIXION 

their vain endeavor to kill each other 
with the implements which civilization 
has given them. Their energies have 
been spent and now they are reduced 
to dependency on other men whom they 
do not know. 

Is k not ridiculous? 

Yesterday the section was taken over 
the territory in which we are to serve. 
It is a hotbed of machine guns and muni- 
tions pits. We had a narrow escape 
in one part of the forest. As we turned 
into the road leading to our quarters 
several tons of earth went up into the air 
just ahead of us. The hole was so large 
we had to return by a different route, 
which kept the men in the region an 
hour longer. 

We are becoming accustomed to 
things. There is a scarcity of water. 
We have a light wine to drink which is 

35 



CRUCIFIXION 

called "penard," and it is a poor sub- 
stitute. The war-bread on the front is 
even worse than that in Paris. It is 
green and soggy. Our meals are all of 
one kind — meat stew. I do not know 
where the meat comes from and I hope 
no one will tell me. 

The roads are filled with camions 
(trucks) , munitions wagons, guns of all 
descriptions and pack-mules. 

One of the cars ran into a shell-hole 
last night and caused a great deal of 
trouble. The mechanics had to go up 
and help with it. One of them pulled 
on the lights instead of the self-starter. 
In a few minutes the Germans were send- 
ing over some souvenirs. The car was 
blown to pieces. They were lucky to get 
away with their lives. 

Bovert and myself are in a dugout 
waiting for a bombardment to let up. 



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CRUCIFIXION 

We are on our way to the communication 
trench. This is a lively section of the 
front and keeps us busy. The roads 
are almost impassable at times. It rains 
all the day and night. The mud is knee- 
deep and wheel-deep in most places. We 
have not had an opportunity to remove 
our clothing since arriving in this sector, 
and shall not be able to do so until we 
get back to our quarters. 

For some unknown reason our gas- 
oline is very poor. It is endangering the 
ambulances and also the lives of the 
men. We had to stop in the forest with 
a load of wounded and remove them 
into an ahru The car would not pull 
the load through the mud. 

Someone is evidently making money 
out of this diluted or low grade stuff. 
Much depends on our having a super- 
quality. There can be men and sup- 
plies enough to conquer the world, but 



37 



CRUCIFIXION 

if the transportation breaks down we are 
lost. 

I wonder if these men who are in th© 
rear ever think of such things. Do they 
stop to reason that if they do not furnish 
the army with the best material possible 
in every particular there might be a col- 
lapse at any time and the enemy make 
short work of their possessions? As a 
protection to themselves I should think 
they would carefully see to it that th© 
men on the front were supplied with the 
best, so that they might stem the tide 
and save those in the rear. 

Above all, do they ever stop to think 
of the lives of the men? Six men a min« 
ute ! Can you imagine what a man 
goes through when he is out here in the 
mud and the rain with the raw end of a 
leg stuck in the dirt and blood running 
from his mouth after the gas has caught 
him? 



38 



CRUCIFIXION 

God ! Can't they have warm shoes and 
clothing and enough to eat? Can't they 
have the medical supplies which are 
needed to alleviate their suffering? Can't 
they have the necessary means of trans- 
portation, so that their lives may be 
saved in rushing them back to the hos- 
pitals? 

The Germans have been flying over 
this part of the front a great deal to-day. 
They come over in droves, and we have 
had a half-dozen air battles this after- 
noon. Only one enemy plane was 
brought down, and he fell behind his 
own lines. The French are becoming 
active; soon there will be a battle royal. 
The enemy will not be so lively in an 
hour or so. 

There are many captive balloons in 
this part of the sector. 



39 



CRUCIFIXION 

It has been necessary to take cover. 
An old house in which the section was 
quartered had the roof blown off just 
before we sat down to eat. There are only 
fourteen men here, and lucky no one 
was hurt; they were all outside the build- 
ing. The food is brought to us from 
the other side of the road, where the 
* 'kitchen" is underground. 

We live the life of rats. A few bat- 
tered chairs stick up out of the mud. 
The men are sitting around the light, 
eating "chow." I don't think anyone 
is very hungry, although they were all 
swearing at the cook for not having the 
stew hot when we came in. If he had, 
we should be without food, for the stuff 
would have gone with the roof. 

The cook is a Frenchman and appar- 
ently does not care sometimes whether 
the men eat or not. I understand he was 
taken out of jail in Paris and sent out 



40 



CRUCIFIXION 

with this section. Some evenings he 
gets very drunk and tells us what he did 
at the battle of the Marne. He has never 
been nearer the front than this post. I 
suppose he is attached to our section be- 
cause he speaks English. 

The bombarding let up and I went to 
see what was left of the place. When 
I came out of the dugout I saw the parts 
of two men a few steps from the road. 
They were evidently hurrying for this 
abri when killed. There were only a 
blotch of blood and dangling arms and 
legs. Their faces had been honeycombed 
by shrapnel. 

In order to reach the communication- 
trench from here one must pass over a 
road in full view of the German lines 
for one mile. The road runs along the 
side of a hill overlooking the valley and 
territory held by the enemy. The cars 



41 



CRUCIFIXION 

bump along one at a time. If a group 
went up together they would probably 
be fired upon. A section of Fords was 
destroyed on this road a few weeks be- 
fore we arrived. There are many un- 
exploded shells on it and we have to 
drive around them. Often they are 
covered with mud or water. It is nec- 
essary to drive carefully, for they might 
be alive. 

Many Germans have come over to our 
lines to-day. One group brought the mail 
of another which came over yesterday. 
They look worn and tired, but I cannot 
see that there is an alarming amount of 
old or very young among them, such as 
we were told in the States. Some grum- 
ble about everything and others say that 
they have been well taken care of and 
provided for and there is no danger of 
a German collapse. One cannot judge 
by what these prisoners say. 



42 



CRUCIFIXION 

We tave just heard of the Italian 
victory on one part of their front. The 
Frenchmen filled the hasket of a toy 
balloon with papers telling about the 
Italian offensive. These balloons carry 
the news over the lines to the Germans. 

A letter from Antoinette just as we 
were starting up to the post. Letters 
are wonderful things. They make us 
dream of the past and put a new life 
into the future. 

The many mornings we have strolled 
through the Bois, under the great tall 
trees which swayed so softly that neither 
of us could speak ! Ah, such a morning 
as compared with this! The clouds are 
low. They bend down to the tops of 
the poplars and kiss them, lingering as 
if to say, "We shall never kiss you again, 
for to-morrow you will lie crumbled on 
the Earth.'' 



43 



CRUCIFIXION 

Tu dis que tu es tres triste .... 
Pauvre cherie^ si seuletnent je pou- 
vais etre avec toi . , , . Quand je 
pense qu^il ne me sera pas possible 
de te revoir avant trois longs 
mois / . . . . Mon cceur se hrise et 
les heures passent comme des cau' 
chemars. Si la fin doit etre ici^ je 
la desire rapidement .... Cette 
rie, cette torture, c^est terrible ! 

Oui je me suis accoutume a vos 
fagons de vivre en general, mais 
pas a cette affreuse solitude qui 
semble ronger mon coeur et em- 
porter mon dme dans une sphere 
inconnu. Et le savoir qu^en queU 
que lieu je puiss etre, tu n^accour' 
ras pas te jeter follement dans mes 
bras pour me demander d^ecraser 
tes cheres levres sous mes baisers. 

Le mouchoir est arrive a bon 
port * ... II est si delicieusement 



M 



CRUCIFIXION 

parfume, mon Antoinette^ . . . • e« 
juste comme toi ! 

Je ne puis Ven dire d^avantage* 
11 y a tant de souffrances autour de 
moL 

The French ofifensive is still raging. 
The noise is deafening. Every gun for 
miles around is pouring steel into the 
Hun. The earth trembles and there is 
a continual roar. We have not been able 
to get a rest, and the men are about dead 
from fatigue. They work too hard and 
do not look after themselves. To go 
back and forth over these roads under 
ehell-fire without sleep for hours at a 
time, and be put to physical tests in 
clearing up a place or carrying the men 
over stretches of the roads where the 
ambulances cannot pass, is enough to 
take the life out of anyone. 

The night before the attack was lively. 

*5 



CRUCIFIXION 

No one slept in the little towns leading 
up to the front. The men were brought 
to the Bois in trucks. From there they 
marched to the lines. We left about 
one a,m. The Frenchmen stormed the 
hill at four o'clock that morning. B overt 
and I had to have three different 
cars during the first twenty-four hours 
of the slaughter. They would get too 
hot. This life cannot be described. 
The voices of the men are pitiful against 
the roar of the guns. It makes one's 
head swim. 

We met a group of Germans running 
along the road with their hands high in 
the air yelling, "Kamerad! Kamerad!" 
They were still under shell fire. Later 
we found them at one of the cages for 
prisoners. They had given themselves 
up and were thankful to be out of the 
fight. One of the prisoners told a 
Frenchmen he was glad to be in France. 



46 



CRUCIFIXION 

He said he had had nothing to eat for 
days except hlack bread until he came 
over. A poilu had given him some of 
his rations. There was an officer in the 
same cage and he was very sullen when 
he heard this. 

The Germans fly over our lines as 
they please. They have been coming 
over all day. 

A young French officer took Bovert 
and myself to an observation post which 
overlooked the entire valley. The whole 
battle field was below us. It was a sad 
sight, the ruined villages and ravaged 
forest. We looked over miles and miles 
of territory held by the Germans. 

These Frenchmen are peculiar. Once 
in a while they are, as a whole, very de- 
cent, but we have had our eyes opened 
to their "gratitude and appreciation." 
One of the men here took us to a town- 



47 



CRUCIFIXION 

what was left of it~with an order for our 
dinner. We had eaten nothing all day 
except a few biscuits which we happened 
to have in the car. When we reached 
the place he went about shaking hands 
with everyone and finally disappeared. 
We thought he would return again in a 
few minutes and show us where we were 
to eat. Soon the Germans began a bom* 
bardment and we were left in the open. 
The car was in danger and so were our 
lives. We went ofif without him. 

Early this morning we stopped at one 
of the forest dugouts, where we hoped 
to find a fire. We had been out all 
night and were cold and wet. When 
we reached the door we found it latched 
from the inside. We tried to get at the 
latch by using a stick, but before we had 
got very far a Frenchman came and asked 
what was wanted. We told him in the 
best French possible for us. He under- 



48 



CRUCIFIXION 

stood and answered, ''No, no, no, no!" 
and turned back into the room. All we 
could do was to stand there and look 
through the crack in the door. I do not 
know why we were kept out. It was the 
only place one could find shelter. Two 
Frenchmen came up and one of them 
pushed the latch from the outside with 
his bayonet. We went into the first 
room. The Frenchmen were drinking 
tea. 

This reminds me of other incidents. 
When the section first came up these 
men would sit around in the dugouts 
drinking their hot stuff yet never offer- 
ing us a sip. When they found we had 
an ample supply of rum and cigarettes 
they became a little more generous. 
This bartering became disgusting, and 
we finally did without the tea rather than 
bother with them. 

A Frenchman once explained to me 



49 



CRUCIFIXION 

that the men were in their own land and 
should have all the comforts possible. 
I was tempted to ask what he thought 
about those three thousand miles or 
more from home. He told me they did 
not want the Americans in France: all 
they needed were the supplies and 
money. I am afraid he is a little pre- 
mature in his judgement. Some day he 
may be glad we are here. 

An enemy plane has just fallen. It 
came down slowly, and I do not think 
the pilot is hurt in any way. The Ger* 
mans are shelling the town as a reprisal. 
We shall have to take cover. 

Bovert came in this morning with a 
special ordre de mouvement into ter- 
ritory where neither he nor I had ever 
been before. The road was in view of 
the German intrenchments and full of 
unexploded shells. It was not well taken 



50 



CRUCIFIXION 

care of, and consequently the shell- 
holes were plentiful. We searched for 
the battery half the morning, not know- 
ing whether we were on French or Boche 
territory. 

After we have been in a location for 
a few days we know just about what 
Fritz will do. He is a punctual fellow 
and will bombard a certain strip of the 
road or what remains of a village at an 
exact hour each day and night. Of 
course there are exceptions. We know 
now that this post is bombarded every 
evening at six o'clock. If we are un- 
lucky enough to be here we get under 
cover; if outside we stay until it has had 
the daily round. 

Just beyond is a place called Hell's 
Curve. Many cars have been destroyed 
and {liundreds of men killed on that 
spot. 

The roads are horrible: covered 



51 



CRUCIFIXION 

with dead, always under direct fire, and 
nine-tenths of the work done at night in 
absolute darkness. 

The post de secours of the commu- 
nication trench is a place of torture for 
those stationed there. The (continual 
moaning, the odor of powder on the 
dead, the last breaths of the dying, the 
gas and the mud and everything else 
makes one almost insensible at times. 
Last night B overt and I had to take cover 
in an old ahri which was full of vermin. 
We were in there twenty minutes. They 
will send us back to our quarters this 
afternoon; at least I hope so. We are 
not in very good condition. 

It is not uncommon to stop the car 
and carry the dead from the road in 
order to pass. At night they are hard 
to see. We are always afraid of run- 
ning over them. If it is raining or we 



52 



CRUCIFIXION 

are passing through a gassed section we 
are compelled to go almost in a walk* 
It is necessary to have someone in front 
of the car on foot and keep the driver 
informed about the road ahead. Some- 
times it is so dark he cannot be seen. 
He yells the information and the car 
goes stumbling along. Our gas masks 
are hard to work in, as the rain blurs 
the eye piece and it is impossible to see a 
thing. 

A few hours ago we brought in a Prus- 
sian who was wounded almost to the 
point of death. We put him in one of 
the racks of our car and took him back 
to the base hospital. There were also 
three French blesses in the ambulance. 
The Prussian occupied the place which 
should have held another Frenchman. 
He was given the preference because of 
the seriousness of his wounds. Upon 

S3 



CRUCIFIXION 

our arrival at the base hospital the load 
was removed. When w^e returned to the 
post the doctor hurried to us. He had 
just received a message from the hos- 
pital that the Prussian had exploded a 
hand grenade, killing himself and 
wounding five Frenchmen. 

It is surprising to find so many of 
the prisoners speaking English. A cap- 
tured Prussian officer, who had been cut 
off from supplies for days, looked so 
fatigued that I took him into the *^^kitch- 
en" and got a cup of coffee and some 
hash. I knew he would talk if given 
some inducement. I could see that he 
was so hungry that he could have taken 
everything in sight with one mouthful, 
yet he ate as deliberately as if he had 
eaten a meal only a few hours before. 
He was a gentlemanly fellow. There 
are exceptions and he was one of them. 
He had lived four years in London and 



54 



CRUCIFIXION 

spoke the language as an Englishman, 
To him there was only one way of ending 
the war, that was victory for Germany. 
He had no douht as to the truth of the 
inscription on his belt-buckle, which 
read, "Gott mit uns". 

The "kitchen" is separated from the 
"morgue" by a small piece of burlap. 
There the dead bodies are stacked until 
they can be buried in the cemetary near 
by. While we were having our lunch 
the partition blew down. The first sight 
which greeted us was a stretcher with its 
load of dead^ jammed into the half -open 
mooth of a fallen comrade. 

All equipment is taken off the dead 
and senJt to the rear. The women assort 
it and save what is good to be used again. 

One of the men from another section 
came into the dugout during the German 
counter-attack. Just as he entered the 
room he fell to the floor. He was ex- 



55 



CRUCIFIXION 

hausted and had a high fever. When 
he became conscious he glared at the 
candle-light. We were afraid he had 
gone insane. He was sent back to the 
hospital, and no one knew untU a few 
minutes ago what had occured. He had 
been given an order for one of the forest 
posts. The road which he took on 
his return trip was impassable. He en- 
deavored to get out by taking a cut. 
This he found blocked also. The bom- 
bardment became so terrific that he left 
the car to look for cover. Wandering 
about in the woods, he lost his way and 
was out for over an hour before he 
finally reached our dugout. Not knowing 
whether it was a German or a French 
position, as the enemy still held part of 
the forest, he had waited outside until 
he could hear the voices of the men. 

Man, in his pre-civilized days, existed 
as a wild and hunted creature of the 



56 



CRUCIFIXION 

forest. Red-eyed, he ran from cave to 
cave, either destroying what was in his 
way or being annihilated by something 
more powerful than himself. 
To-dav it is the same. 

Last night the Germans bombed one 
of the base hospitals. It seems to be a 
custom with them to bomb a hospital 
now and then. I cannot understand 
why, as the red cross is very large and 
can be seen from a great height in the 
air, so I am told. Why they should fly 
over in groups and attack men who are 
helpless or dead will have to be explained 
by them. There were about fifty 
German prisoners in the hospital at the 
time and all were carried back to safety 
after the Frenchmen had been removed. 
The men stood it the best they could 
but they would cry out every time we 
entered the wards. Each one gave some 



57 



CRUCIFIXION 

reason why he should he taken first. 

At one side of the hospital a dozen 
men, on stretchers, were waiting to be 
lifted into the ambulance. A shell came 
and there was nothing left. We were 
lucky enough to be inside. This same 
building was destroyed before we re- 
turned for another load. 

The French are very excitable people. 
They loose their heads when anything 
goes wrong. All during the bombard- 
ment they were telling us, in a hysterical 
way, to hurry, as if we wanted to loiter 
about the place. 

We are to go to Bar-le-Duc on repos. 
The section needs a rest. The men look 
tired and the ambulances are in bad 
condition. Likely the three cars we have 
lost will be replaced before we return 
to another sector of the front. 

There has been a rumor that the sec- 
tion will be cited for the work done at 



58 



CRUCIFIXION 

Verdun. Since we have not lost a man 
it is all right, but what would a small 
piece of metal amount to if there was 
a list of missing? 

Decorations are the apologies from 
the government for the misery brought 
upon the individuals to w'hom they are 
presented. 

Another car is out of commission. 
Early this morning it was struck by a 
shell and the rear wheel and part of the 
body were blown off. Macleen was hit 
by a piece of steel and has been sent to 
the hospital at Chalons-sur-Marne. This 
was to have been our last day here, but 
I suppose we shall have to remain until 
the other section arrives to relieve us. 
Our regiment has gone in on repos, 

I have received a letter from a lady in 
the States asking if we ever get near the 
front. I see by the nature of other let- 



59 



CRUCIFIXION 

ters that some people think we are on a 
picnic. One lady asked if we had pic- 
ture shows to entertain us at night. No, 
Madame, we do not have our evenings 
off and there are no picture shows on 
this part of the front! 

Repos will be a blessing to all. The 
strain upon one is overpowering. The 
shells do not worry us or the fact that at 
an^r moment our numbers might be 
counted among the missing, it is the 
terrible suffering we have to see all the 
time. One fellow, whom we brought 
down to-day, went insane and tore the 
bandages off his wound. We got him to 
the hospital all right, but I doubt that 
he is alive now. It is this kind of thing 
that keeps us from sleeping. I suppose 
I shall hear it the rest of my life. I do 
not know how any one could hear their 
cries and shrieks and ever forget them. 



60 



CRUCIFIXION 

There are more shell-holes in the 
roads the last few days than ever before. 
It is because of the German counter- 
attack. The cars are always sticking in 
them and give us a great deal of trouble. 
The rain fills them with water, so that 
one cannot tell how deep they are until 
the car plunges in. The men often go 
to sleep while driving. This causes a 
great many accidents. 

Six of the Frenchmen attached to 
this section have taken up a third of the 
quarters to which we were assigned, 
leaving the fourty of us to find room as 
best we can. I suppose this is the 
Frenchmen's idea of being "at home." 

Bar-le-Duc. 

The section arrived at the barracks 
last night. This morning we found our- 
selves under guard and not allowed to 



61 



CRUCIFIXION 

leave the small room in which we were 
quartered. We had to wait for the offi- 
cials, and they did not arrive until noon. 
Breakfast, for us, was eliminated, but 
the German prisoners entertained us by 
eating and drinking in their cages across 
the way. They thought it was a fine 
joke. So did we. Our room had a no- 
tice on the door reading "19 hommes" 
(19 men). Forty of us managed to sleep 
in there during the night. 

We have not the slightest idea what 
offense we have committed and as yet 
have not been told. One can get no 
more than a shrug from these French- 
men. From the looks of things we shall 
not have as good treatment as the Ger- 
mans who are quartered here as prison- 
ers. It is certain we do not have the lib- 
erty and food which are given to them. 

The French officer in charge of this 
62 



CRUCIFIXION 

section has not been friendly toward our 
lieutenant, who is British, or the men. 
Many open denouncements have been 
made of his sheltered quarters back of 
the lines and the time he spends there. 
Also of the fact that he goes about in 
the uniform of an aviator with the dec- 
orations he has received in the Sections 
Sanitaires Aux Armees, I suppose he 
has taken this opportunity to avenge 
himself. A Frenchman must be avenged. 

Petty grievences between officers are 
superdreadnoughts for the enemy. I 
don't think anyone gives a damn about 
the citation. Too many have been pre- 
sented far back of the lines, and for no 
reason whatsoever. 

C^est la guerre. 

We are in a small village just back of 
Rheims. The guns are only a faint rum- 
ble from here, but the air raids continue. 



63 



CRUCIFIXION 

An aero station is only a mile away and 
there are a great many planes in the air 
all the time. This is one of the patrol 
stations which guards Paris. We are 
having evacuation work from the hos- 
pitals near here. Six cars are on duty 
each day. 

What a price the French are paying 
for victory! No one can describe the 
slaughter we have seen. I suppose that 
in a few years all this will have to be 
done over again. I have seen enough 
blood to make a new race. Maybe it 
will, but I doubt it. The French tell 
us continually what they will demand 
from the Germans when once they are 
beaten. Their greed of territorial bound- 
aries will lead to another war within 
the next fifty years, if not before. What 
good are boundaries, anyway? I know 
the advantages they are supposed to 
have, but what about their disadvan- 



64 



CRUCIFIXION 

tages? What about the millions of men 
who have been killed or wounded in 
this war to date? 

B overt came in with the news of the 
Russian defeat. Such things have a bad 
effect on everyone. I do not think the 
Russians would deliberately throw up 
their hands. There must have been 
some reason for it other than the sword, 
for they will die before giving them- 
selves up to the enemy. 

Our food is very poor. The men go 
over to a peasant's hut near here and 
buy jellies and omelettes. The old lady 
thinks we are a band of pirates. The 
men order nine-and twelve-egg omelettes 
for themselves and ask no one to help 
dispose of their repast. 

This is a wonderful morning. The 
sun is climbing over the orchard trees 



65 



CRUCIFIXION 

and sprinkling the fields with glistening 
light. To one side is the outline of a 
little village rimmed with green hills. 
The white buildings with their red-tiled 
roofs dot the landscape. If it was not 
for the dull thud of the cannonading we 
could forget the war. Only a few miles 
away, and the slaughter continues. 
Some troopers pass along the road go- 
ing in on repos. This is our last day 
here. We go up to the Front de Cham- 
pagne to-morrow. 

The section has been on this front for 
six weeks. It is the same old thing over 
again. Days and nights of horrors. 

One hlesse whom we brought in to- 
day looked like a sieve. Besides his many 
wounds he had been gassed. His face 
was smeared with blood and dirt and 
powder-blots. He was spitting blood 
continually. Most of his clothes had 



^6 



CRUCIFIXION 

been torn off. The doctors could do 
nothing for him. He died a few minutes 
after reaching the post de secours. They 
placed him, with the other dead, in an 
old building. 

Some men have died in our cars. It 
is terrible on reaching the hospital to 
find that such has happened. It drives 
one insane. We rush them back as 
quickly as possible. 

One of our roads is the most weird, 
hideous and grewsome I have ever been 
on. The French seventy-fives are blast- 
ing away on each side. At night the 
fiare from the guns blind us and we 
often run the cars into the ditch. It can- 
not be helped. When one is racing a- 
long in absolute darkness and suddenly 
has this fire flashed at the side he is 
blind for a few seconds and cannot con- 
trol his car. Early one morning along 
this same road we almost ran into a man 



67 



CRUCIFIXION 

sitting up near the bank. The mud cov* 
ered him to the waist. When we took 
hold of him he was cold. The wreck- 
age of a wagon and the parts of two 
horses were close by. 

These terrible sights should not both- 
er us now. We have seen many of 
them, but each one seems worse than the 
others. 

So it is, and the bloody business con- 
tinues with no sign of a letup. 

It seems futile to hope for an end be- 
fore Christmas. The Frenchmen say 
five years more. It mil be another year 
anyway. If the Germans hold out 
through the winter they will certainly 
not stop when the weather permits good 
fighting. 

Weeks have passed and I have left off 
writing. I am in a hospital in Paris. 
The men suffer much here, and it seems 



68 



CRUCIFIXION 

I can never sleep for their crying. I 
wake lip suddenly during the night, 
thinking I am still on duty. It is hard to 
realize where I am. The clean sheets 
and white walls are a welcome change. 
We have plenty of water to drink and 
can have a bath when we want it. I shall 
be able to be outside for a few hours 
each day before long. It is strange to 
lie here in all this cleanliness again. A 
real room with real doors and windows 
and sunlight pouring in upon me. 

The doctor has just been in and he 
tells me I may go for a walk tomorrow. 
Antoinette will be here in less than an 
hour. She comes every day and brings 
magazines or books. I shall tell her 
when she comes this afternoon. I shall 
say '^Antoinette, veux-tu que nous allions 
nous promener?" 

It will be grand to walk down the 

69 



CRUCIFIXION 

boulevards again, along the quiet streets 
where I have not been for months. 

B overt is dead. He was killed yester- 
day. A nurse brought the message to 
me. 

Is this butchering never to end? The 
whole world is in mourning already, and 
still it continues. How shall the debt bo 
paid? By the freedom of the world or 
by its imprisonment? What results will 
it have in America? 

A hospital has many rooms, like the 
tombstones in a cemetary. Those who 
move about glide like shadows up and 
down the long hallways. The silence 
was so great that at first I could hardly 
bear it. I wanted them to bring a seventy- 
five and fire it all night in front of my 
door so that I might sleep. It was the 
stillness-the stillness-that drove me mad. 



70 



CRUCIFIXION 

My soft bed sank, sank, sank, until 
I felt myself a thousand miles under- 
ground. Sometimes in the middle of 
this silence a j&endish cry would resound 
throughout the building-a cry which 
baffles description, but which I shall al- 
ways hear. A shriek, a wail, as if some- 
one was having his entrails torn out. 

I heard it one night by my door. The 
train from the front had just arrived and 
was being unloaded. The fellow was to 
have a room opposite our ward until he 
could be operated on. I saw them carry 
him along the hallway. I saw them stop 
in front of the room at the other side of 
the hall. As the stretcher-bearers turned 
to enter the door the man's legs rolled 
off the canvas. The heavy boot struck 
the floor with a thud and a great blotch 
of flesh and blood spattered on the til- 
ing. One man picked it up and placed 
it where it was supposed to have been, 

71' 



CRUCIFIXION 

but the blood on tbe fioor remained and 
a large chunk of flesh with it. I pulled 
the sheets about my head. I thought 
I had gone mad. God ! Could such 
things continue? 

I had been away from the front for a 
month, and men were still at it. They 
were tearing each other to pieces. For 
what? For what? Had not the earth, 
with its millions of bodies on its breast, 
had enough? Why didn't it open its jaws 
and swallow them and have it over once 
and for all? Ten million men and six 
more men a minute ! What had become 
of a once-civilized world? Why had they 
sent their men and boys out there to do 
this Devil's dance? Yes, that was it, a 
Devil's dance, with suicide or murder 
as a reward and perhaps a decoration 
to go with it. 

Mankind murdering each other when 
they did not even have a reason for it. 



72 



CRUCIFIXION 

They did not have a grievance against 
one another. Far back of the lines were 
great men-men in palaces and men in 
huge governmental buildings. They told 
these liule fellows to go out and hunt 
one another, to sulfer and die for the 
land of their birth. The land of their 
birth ! What kind of country is it which 
sends its best men out to die like dogs? 
To live among lice and rats in the mud 
and blood of their desires? No! If these 
men v/ant to fight let them go out into a 
slaughter-hole and do it. Then they can 
have a taste of war ! 

Do they know what it is to see a man's 
head disappear before their very eyes 
and leave nothing but a body jerking in 
a pool of bloody water? Have they had 
the blood spurt upon them after sticking 
a man? Have they seen his eyes pop and 
his face become smooth and white like 
a piece of marble before he rolls over 



73 



CRUCIFIXION 

into a heap of other junk? Do they really 
think that a man goes over the top 
for the love of his country and because 
he is a patriot? 

Patriotism will some day be a thing of 
the past. As it stands to-day it means 
nothing more than the suicide of the na- 
tion which contains the most patriots. 
Tlie gospel of suffering and dying for 
one's country is covered with mildew. 
It is the individual who must have a 
place in the world. The man who can 
feel the warm sun in his face and know 
it is the gift of God to all and not to the 
few who can spend their days on golf 
links or loiter about the summer resorts 
while others are out to die in a hell 
which has been thrown upon them. 

Yjou pretenders of civilization who 
stride through the avenues with your 
pockets filled with gold from the profits 
of war material s-you who cry, *'0n with 



74 



CRUCIFIXION 

the war! "-look at your hands ! Look 
at your hands ! — Dripping with 
blood; yet you cry, "On with the war!" 
And you, gluttenous devourers of pa- 
triotic swindle who stand on the bou- 
levards waving your flags and sending the 
youth of the world out to the slaughter* 
house to be ground up like sausages, 
how much longer will you permit these 
men to continue their sacrilege of 
humanity? 

Future generations will condemn our 
age as one of barbarism. What is going 
on now will terrify posterity to the point 
of disbelief. In their minds it will be 
like a fable, a legend of horror. They 
will be unable to conceive of such a car- 
nage or a small group of men driving 
thousands of human bodies into such 
an inferno. They will not understand 
how mankind, as a whole, would allow 
such a catastrophe. In that day there 



.75 



CRUCIFIXION 

will be a greater word than patriotism. 
It will be humanitarianism. 



I have just left Antoinette and returned 
to my room in the hospital. How 
bare it seems after being out in the open 
again ! After the Bois^ with the trees 
overhead and the i^unjight peeping 
through them, this room is like a prison. 
A few weeks ago I could appreciate it, 
but now I am tired of it and want to get 
away. 

We met Helene, and I had to tell her 
about B overt. She told me she had lost 
two brothers in the war. 

The boulevards are crowded, but no 
one is very gay. The Italians are suffer- 
ing a great defeat and the Russians have 
collapsed. A German offensive is ex- 
pected on the western front any day. It 
will come with the first signs of spring, 
I suppose. 



76 



CRUCIFIXION 

Many Americans are here now. Paris 
seems to be filled with them. Six 
months makes a difference in the trans- 
portation of troops. They all go about 
in a joyous way and no one would think 
they are homesick or disheartened. 

The French people seem to have the 
idea they are loaded down with money 
and charge them anything they can get. 
Prices have gone up beyond those we 
had to pay at first. An old Frenchman 
told me they were entitled to charge 
what they pleased, as France had bought 
all supplies from America and made her 
rich because of the war while she herself 
had suffered. Perhaps the old man was 
trying to clear his conscience. 

The women and girls are everywhere. 
There are five or six of the fair sex to 
one of the other. The American takes 
up with them much quicker than the 
Englishman. The French girls seem to 



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prefer the American; they are always 
ready to go mth him. Some of these 
girls are very good and kind and do all 
they can to help cheer the way along. 
Others are in for all they can get. Most 
of them are diseased. 

What will the army be like when they 
return? They are certain to have a dif- 
ferent idea of morality. 

The doctor has given me a discharge 
from the hospital. I am to be in the 
medical supply corps in Paris. This will 
keep me in the open. If the men could 
only be out more it would be better for 
them. One thinks too much in a hos- 
pital. 

Every day I go down to one of the clin- 
ics and deliver a quantity of medicines 
which are used in curing certain 
diseases. It is an awful sight to see these 



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fellows standing in line waiting for their 
treatment. Some take it as though they 
thought themselves a dog with mange, 
while others seem to think they have 
accomplished something and look upon 
it as a rather smart trick. The latter 
talk loudly about themselves and laugh 
over their affliction. Now and then a 
cry is heard from the room just ahead 
of them, and the gayety lets up a bit. 

These poor men are everywhere. 
In the cafes they sit and drink the ^'wa- 
ters." They are always drowsy and look 
fatigued. I don't wonder at it after 
going through the terrible treatment 
which is given them. Evidently many 
men are sent back to the front only half 
cured. 

The Frenchman takes it as a joke and 
thinks it is a good lesson for the Yankee 
and his idea of morality. They seem 
to believe they are showing him how to 



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live. One boy told me he had gone to the 
French base hospital and informed the 
doctor what was wrong with him. The 
Frenchman laughed. Another returned 
after suffering months under electrical 
treatment and was in the same condi- 
tion as in the beginning. He had taken 
care of himself after leaving the clinic, 
but had not been properly cured and 
the trouble returned. 

It is not hard to see how these fellows 
suffer. One observes it in their faces 
and unsteady v/alk. 

Before the war Paris had what was 
called the Green hour, when the women 
went info the cafes for their hire. 
They had always a green card, which was 
shown when asked for, giving the name 
and condition of the holder. Now all 
this is done away with, and of course 
there is more disease than ever. 

The men are a great deal to blame for 



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their sickness. They do not take the 
proper care and precaution. 

There must be misery everywhere. 
Even the dingy sky seems to weep, and 
rolls along heavily as if it had a thou- 
sand cares. 

The section is to arrive in Paris al- 
most any day and will be sent to Italy. 

I shall never walk from the quarters 
again, at least not the way I came to- 
night. The Seine looked like a pool of 
boiling blood. Several times I thought 
I had gone mad. I felt an impulse to 
jump over the huge grey wall and plunge 
into the waters beneath. Then it would 
be over. Every time I am alone all the 
misery I have seen and been a part of 
comes rushing back to me and my brains 
takes fire. I would have done the thing 
to-night had not the tram stopped and 



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CRUCIFIXION 

lei olf a few passengers near the spot 
v/liere I was walking. I suppose if I 
glioiild do this people would call me a 
coward. 

Plauet has broken up a rickety chair 
in order that we may have heat in the 
room. It is raining nearly every day 
and night and is very cold. It is impos- 
sible to get wood or coal in Paris 
without a card and money, always mon- 
ey. We could get the card, but it would 
do us little good, for we have no money. 

Every evening Plauet and myself go 
to the Cafe Rotand. We cannot keep 
our quarters warm, and so we have to 
lounge about in public places as much 
afi possible. The cafes close at nine- 
thirty, turning hundreds of people into 
the streets. This life is easy after what 
we have had on the front. For one, I 
am glad to be away from the mess. 



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Antoinette has gone to England with 
her mother. I watched the long train 
slowly glide out of the station. I stood 
motionless until the last car dipped be- 
low the hill and was lost. An old man 
came up and shouted in my ear, point- 
ing to the gate at the same time. I looked 
about me. Everyone had gone. He 
mumbled and held out his hand. There 
was something between the bony fingers, 
but I could not see what. I grasped it 
and felt the blood trickle down my palm. 
The thorns had stuck me. 

The section arrived yesterday. They 
all look very tired. To-morrow they go 
to Italy. It will be a fine drive and will 
doubtless rest them more than to stop 
here a week or so. 

There is a great deal of deceit among 
the French people. The women in Paris 



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are all running around like Sybarites, 
spending one night here and another 
there while their husbands are on the 
front. 

I have known and seen so many cases 
of this kind that I wondered the men 
put up with it. I thought possibly they 
took it as a matter of course, but when 
I spoke to a young man about it I found 
I was quite wrong. 

"They have no regard for us" he 
said, "and are always going about with 
foreigners." 

Many of the women wear veils who 
are not entitled to them. They suppose 
people will sympathize with them and 
they know it draws the men. Then, too, 
they fix themselves up very attractively 
in this black crepe, but their ankles are 
always covered with silk. 

I understand it is the same in Eng- 
land, and America will likely have a 



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touch of the thing before the war is 
over. 

These women drop the one-medal 
wearer for the two and the two for the 
three, on down the line from generals to 
privates. In the cafes the woman with 
the two-medal man snubs the other with 
only the one. 

Women have more to do with the mak- 
ing of war than is generally thought. If 
a man comes in from the front in good 
condition and wearing the decorations 
of his savage instincts he is immediately 
the rage and they all clamor about him. 
If his face has been stuck through by the 
bayonet or he has been wounded so that 
he is of little service to them they make 
an outcast of him. Likely the poor fel- 
low goes down some dark street and that 
is the end of his misery. I know this 
has happened more than once, for there 
have been men who went out from the 



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CRUCIFIXION 

hospitals for a walk and never returned. 
They were not in a condition to desert; 
they could not have taken care of them- 
selves. 

The government keeps these distorted 
creatures caged up as much as pos- 
sible. It is not good for the men to see 
their butchered comrades, so the offi- 
cials tell us, and weakens the morale of 
the army. If they are allowed to go out 
too often or in groups they might do a 
great deal of harm. 

The war must continue at all costs, 
for a man or a set of men are only so 
much bric-a-brac, and a chip off here 
and there is nothing to the world at 
large. 

I have a room in the Hotel de Tou- 
louse on the rue Saint-Severne. It is 
one of those queer old French hotels 
which totter on through the ages. My 



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CRUCIFIXION 

room is on the attic floor overlooking 
a dozen dirty streets which fit into each 
other like a Chinese puzzle. Early in 
the morning and late in the evening the 
peddlers pass up and down, ringing bells, 
beating triangles or crying out in a sing- 
song manner. 

They sell everything imaginable. 
Perrots, monlteys, fruits, vegetables, per- 
fumes, flowers, silks, are all to be had 
in the course of a day. It is a moving 
department-store. 

The byways seem to stumble along 
like the old women who trot their daily 
wares below me. It is here that one gets 
a breath of old Paris. To mention the 
war would be sacrilege. But at night it 
is different. All Paris is dark. The 
Quai des Augustines is gray and gloomy 
with its slimy Seine. The avenues and 
boulevards lose their attractiveness in 
their imitation of dark country roads. 



87 



CRUCIFIXION 

Without the blinking of odd street 
lamps^ the dimmed lights of color, the 
rattling of cabs as they roll over the 

cobblestones, the cries of the urchins in 
the corridors, the shrill peals of laughter 
through the open door, the galleries and 
universities ; without song, Paris is dead. 
The wine and the women are here, but 
truly the song has gone. The people 
go about looking like chunks of cold 
stone. Whatever they do is from habit 
and not because of the joy in the thing. 
Life is only an artificiality. 

Yesterday I wandered down to the 
courtyard of the Compas d'or in the rue 
Montorgeuil. The sun was just begin- 
ning to throw its shadows across the open 
equare. It lias been many years since 
the coach rolled out of the gateway on 
its journey to Dreux. 

The large stone stalls with their iron- 



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CRUCIFIXION 

barred food-bins, the worn steps leading 
to the loft, the wooden canopy covering 
half the courtyard and the Inn near the 
passage, are still there. I had hopes 
that the war would be shut out of this 
old quadrangle, but such was not the 
case. At one end of the covering, among 
the dilapidated carts, was a huge truck 
such as I had often seen rolling along 
the roads at the front, carrying muni- 
tions. It stood there, in a clumsy way, 
like some overgrown embarrassed boy. 
The thing knew it was out of place. 

Not far from here is the rue de F Hotel 
de Ville. Of all the Paris streets it is 
the most picturesque. Along its borders 
are the old massive stone dwellingft 
which were the palaces of kings during 
the twelfth century. To see the street 
as it really is one must pass about five 
o'clock in the evening. At that time 
the children are playing in the open, 



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screaming and yelling at the top of their 
voices, the women are in the doorways 
gossiping and the men grouped around 
game tahles, playing, drinking and smok- 
ing. The children never fail to be as 
dirty as the street. Here all is in keep- 
ing and perfect harmony. 

The bulky lamps perch upon heavy 
projections and glare out like eagle eyes 
against the dingy grey walls. Every few 
minutes a blue uniform shows up. One 
does not have to see it in order to know 
the thing is coming. Hobnails make a 
different sound from wooden shoes. 

This morning we went to Notre Dame 
to hear the mass for the dead. The 
place was very cold and gloomy. 
Forms moved about like spectors. The 
towering walls lost themselves in the 
darkness. Many people were there. It 
is always that way after a great battle. 



9P 



CRUCIFIXION 

We met an old man who spoke Eng- 
lish very well. He told us he had lost 
his fourth and last son in the offensive 
just past. He had lived in nothern 
France before the war, and all his posses- 
sions had fallen into the hands of the 
enemy. The Germans had put them to 
work, his shriveled wife was with him, 
but found they were of no value. In- 
stead of being killed they were sent back 
to France as worthless and dependent. 

The request for a furlough in the 
States has been granted. 

Our baggage has just been taken to 
the Gare d' Orleans. We leave Paris to- 
night, a party of four. I do not think 
anyone is sad over the fact that we are 
leaving France. 

I went out to the hospital late in the 
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CRUCIFIXION 

afternoon, intending to say good-by to 
the men wliom I knew there. I found I 
conld not. It would have killed them 
had they known I was to return while 
they had to remain in their dismal white- 
walled rooms. I could see that at the 
first. All they talked about was going 
home and the end of the war. I remem- 
ber having been told in America that 
the men in the hospitals never men- 
tioned the war, their injuries, or the hope 
of an end to the fighting, but the truth 
is they talked of nothing else. One fel- 
low, who had been on his feet only a few 
days after two months of suffering, re- 
lated the whole thing to me and tore a- 
way half of his bandage trying to show 
me how he was stuck. These men are 
sick of the whole affair and they want 
the end to come before they have to re- 
turn to the front. 



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CRUCIFIXION 

They all think it will last another two 
years. Those who are wounded in a 
gmall way tell the others how lucky they 
are to be out of it. They do not play 
the Star-Spangled Banner or mention 
the glory of suffering for one's country. 
Tliey want the butchering to stop. They 
know what they are talking about. Their 
hands have been covered with blood, 
their bellies have been torn with hunger, 
their brains have been tortured by the 
roar of the guns and their eyes swollen 
with the sights of distorted forms about 
them. They know ! But what do 
these despots in their palaces and great 
stone buildings know about it? They 
are the ones who shall eay when it is to 
slop. When they have a million or 
more blood-smeared bodies to their 
credit it may end, if they desire. 

If you want to know what war is, go 
to the hospitals and see for yourself, and 



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CRUCIFIXION 

if you are a man go to the front and 
live there like a rat for a while. You 
may change your idea about the whole 
business when once you have been a part 
of it. 

Before I left the hospital one of the 
doctors told me the body of Hanlowe, 
who came over with us and joined the 
Legion, had arrived from the front. I 
had not even known of his death. The 
doctor took me into the room opposite. 
The body was lying on a large slab. A 
cloth had been thrown across the upper 
part. I walked over to it and drew away 
the covering. The doctor sprang to- 
ward me, but he was too late. I felt 
myself sinking and fell to the floor. 

All I saw were the decorations. The 
head was not there. 



94 



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